When I’m single, I hit on every woman I think is attractive. It’s good for them, and fun for me. Most of the time. No matter how tired/drunk/covered in blood I am, I do it. Why keep the women of the world from my presence? Doesn’t seem fair.
When I work too many shifts in a row (I’m a paramedic) I start looking at everyone as a potential patient. The balance of work, fatigue, and women should be carefully considered.
I was standing in line behind a nice young lady at a grocery store, dead on my feet after a zillion hours on the ambulance.
“You’ve got really nice veins…” I mumbled.
“Wh…What!1??eleven!?” she replied.
“No..uh..I mean…Your median cubital vein is perfect! If I had to, I could get a 14 gauge IV in there, no problem! Even if your heart stopped and your venous tone was crap. No, seriously – I could do it.”
“Oh my God!” she said. She’d started out bright red, but progressed to a most pale skin tone. Pale and diaphoretic as we say in the Meat Wagon business.
“Sorry. I’m really tired,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
I still feel bad about that whole exchange. I creeped out that poor girl something fierce. I’d been working my ass off for 24 hours. I am tall and like to lift weights. I’m not a beautiful man, even in the best light. At the time, my eyes were so bloodshot they looked like cherry tomatoes in my face, my hair was wild, sweaty, and greasy, and I had unidentifiable stains on my pants and boots.
If her dad/SO/the cops had showed up, I’d have saved them the trouble and kicked my own ass. I was half expecting to be called in to my supervisor’s office for a month after that, since my agency’s logo was clearly visible on my shirt.
Sorry, Grocery Girl. I really didn’t mean it like that. I was just really, really tired.
But….Nothing happened. I got a funny story, and she got a funny story (eventually it’ll be funny). One of the worst attempts at flirting in the universe resulted in no material consequences.
And I looked like walking Death at the time.
Why are you not flirting with women again?