Super Basic Mindset

Listen, gents – I’m going to tell you a secret:

Most guys don’t think about how to get what they want.  They spend a lot of time wishing and fantasizing, but precious little planning.  Even fewer guys execute their plan.

This is especially true when it comes to women.  They “luck into” something – a woman ends up near them via the Machinations of The Universe, and (ohthankyouthankyouthankyouGod!) she actually likes him.  It’s like having DB Cooper’s bag of cash whistle out of the sky and smash through the roof every two or three years.  Surprising, a little scary, but extremely welcome, provided the roof damage isn’t too bad, and no pets or children were flattened by fifties.

Once that money disappears, they start hoping another robber with a penchant for parachutes does his thing…

If you have even a rudimentary idea of what women find attractive, you’re in better shape than most men.  Seriously – spend about four hours reading through some sphere blogs.  Check out Roosh’s forum for half an hour, and hunt down a few of Badger and Dannyfrom504’s field reports.  Read three posts each from VK’s Empire of Dirt, Gmac, and Fly Fresh and Young. Go find out who KrauserPUA is, and bask in that knowledge.  You don’t have to agree with those gentlemen – just read and retain.

Done?

Congrats, man.  You’ve got more accurate information than 60% of the men you see.  The deck is definitely stacked in your favor.  If the Almighty BootyLord sees fit to place another woman who is sort of sweet on you nearby (ohthankyouthankyouthankyouGod!), you’re going to have a better shot with her than…well, any girl you’ve ever met so far.

A lot of guys are content with that, relying on their theoretical knowledge and superior Wish Power to eke out a slightly better deal.  I do not understand this.  Hope is not a method, gents.  Don’t you want a say in how your life goes?  It’s so fucking simple:

Find a woman you think is attractive.  Walk up to her.  Start a conversation.  Roll your own, or parrot a routine you read about – doesn’t matter.  Do it at a bookstore, bar, shopping mall, coffeeshop – doesn’t matter.  Ask for her phone number, or if she wants to go across the street with you to do X – doesn’t matter.

Just to relieve the suspense – she’s going to say no.

Doesn’t matter – you’ve done something most men fear to do.  And it is scary the first bazillion times or so.  It also feels fucking awesome.  It’s like riding a bicycle the first time.  Fuck walking – you’re pedal powered, bitches!  Your world just got much, much bigger.

Here’s another secret:

Most guys lack the discipline/courage/drive to overcome that fear.  Women desire men who can do that, who have that power.

By walking up and talking to her, you’re giving her a gift she wants very much.  Don’t think for a minute that you’re bothering her – no matter what happens.    If you’re so nervous your tongue cements to the roof of your mouth and you emit a two squeaks and a guttural croak – well, she’s happy she made a guy tongue tied.  Validation!  Experiment with eye contact go wrong and you creepy-stalker weird her out?  She’ll be bragplaining to her girlfriends about it in 3…2….1…. enjoying the female bonding, support, and basking in the attention of her friends.  What girl doesn’t like that?

Maybe she’s got a boyfriend she loves and politely turns you down – she still feels desirable.  Maybe she is quite taken with you, and you two end up naked and sweaty…

Any way you slice it, you are adding to her life by walking up and talking to her.  In a sane world, she’d interrupt you as you begin to speak and say,”Thanks for coming over here.  I’m going to benefit from this.”

Last secret:

I’ve been flirting with girls as much as possible for about seven years now.  Granted, I’m not a PUA – I just like making attractive women laugh, and I get a kick out of running my mouth.  Not once in hundreds of instances have I suffered permanent negative consequences.  No woman has pepper sprayed me, or called the cops, or turned out to be some alien creature that laid eggs in my brain.  I’ve been turned down a lot.  I’ve been embarrassed by them, or embarrassed myself.  I’ve done shit that made me wince, like asking a woman if she needed a hand with her bag, then realizing she was a below-the-elbow amputee.  There are a couple other funny ones on this blog somewhere, too.

I gained something from every single interaction.  Embarrassment morphs into humor if you wait around awhile.  I’ve met some women that were enjoyable to be around, and some who taught me what I don’t want in a partner.  One of the women I met is bringing me some Egg McMuffins in an hour or so, and I’m supermonkeyhappy with her.

Find an attractive woman.  Walk over to her.  Start beating your gums.

You can’t lose.

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32 thoughts on “Super Basic Mindset

    • Dannyfrom504 is always good for a laugh if I can’t sleep. It’s good to have friends who work night shift 🙂

  1. Thanks for posting this. I asked this girl out that i’d talked to a couple times yesterday. She politely mentioned she would be hanging out with her bf. So i got rejected, but bouncing off her atmosphere to another girl is so much better than getting stuck in her orbit indefinitely.

    • Haha.

      Let it be known that I do have a canister of pepper-spray in my purse, but I have never used it on a man who has flirted with me.

      Perhaps I have been doing it wrong as well. Just you wait though. The next guy who even dares to utter a word to me is going to get bombed right in the eyes. 🙂

  2. “Any way you slice it, you are adding to her life by walking up and talking to her. In a sane world, she’d interrupt you as you begin to speak and say,”Thanks for coming over here. I’m going to benefit from this.”

    Great piece of advice here to break approach anxiety and run the numbers game. Gives you incentive to hit on every girl you see by becoming the Santa of ego boosts and give give giving away those gifts 🙂

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  4. This is such sweet, generous, necessary advice, & so well put.

    It’s tremendously hard to break through the conditioning that the worst thing a man can possibly do in his life is to make any woman mildly uncomfortable. As men, we are for the most part genuinely flattered when even a woman we find unattractive shows just the slightest interest in us, but it’s hard for us to turn that around & see our attraction & interest as a gift too.

    What’s hardest of all is getting over that approach anxiety, but if you can, as you say, realize & accept that you simply are going to have to face rejection most of the time & still walk off with a spring in your step, then you’ll be in a better place than you were before. It’s kind of sad it has to be like this, that we should have to wade through such a lot of horseshit just to get hold of a little loving, but I guess it’s no more than nature – we can’t change it so the wisest thing we can do is adapt to it.

    • Thanks, Brother.

      If I didn’t like what I did so much, I think I’d get into psychology and learn everything to know about fear. Fear is present in the background of everything humanity does – from creating walled towns and standing armies to printing warning labels on toothpaste.

      Sometimes it’s rational – I remember seeing the color change on a particular Iraqi National Guardsman’s face one day. We were on foot, just patrolling to our heart’s delight, and somebody took a shot at him – missed by about a foot. We scrambled into our Immediate Action drill, and the unseen sniper shot at him again – the bullet hit right between his feet that time. It wasn’t a random act to him anymore – somebody was trying to kill him, personally. He deserted a few days later, and I can’t say I blame him. That was a rational decision.

      Then, there are the irrational fears – I hate snakes so much I won’t even watch them on TV. Other folks are afraid of heights, or refuse to go to the hospital even though they’re very sick. A lot of guys are afraid to talk to strange women – and that’s as irrational as my fear of snakes. A snake on TV isn’t going to hurt me, and neither is the hot girl making eyes at you from across the room.

      Interesting, at least to me.

      • one of most people’s biggest fears is public speaking. i’ve always advocating taking a public speaking class, or an improvisation class. it’s good for quelling approach fear.

        honestly, i can approach a 10 just as easily as i approach a 5. most men make the mistake of thinking you have to use something witty or interesting. all “opening” is striking up a conversation. ANY remark is an open.

        it’s just that easy.

  5. Nice post.

    You can’t lose…. unless you sit next to a model playing with a mobile phone on a flight and you’re a slightly well known actor…….

  6. One more thing I’d add. In your conversation with her, never, never, repeat NEVER use the “F” word. The “F” word I’m talking about is FRIEND. Don’t give her the freebie throw into the friend-zone where she can use you as an emotional tampon or worse.

    I made that mistake once in my life and never again. The minute I threw that F-word in there I gave her the license to use and abuse me without getting anything in return.

    • Yup. It flips a switch in her mind. Guys do it to hedge their bets, to guarantee some kind of contact if they get rejected for a more physical/serious relationship. Very. Bad. Plan.

      • A good strategy has hedging (and loss acceptance) built into it and doesn’t require overt hedging.

        Guys new to the game get hung up on this all the time – they think if their game didn’t work on some woman, the game must be a lie. They don’t understand that the world itself it not black and white, nothing works all the time, but that successful people employ strategies that in the long run are successful exactly because they accept the risk of tactical loss as a tradeoff for playing the strategy.

        When you’re pursuing a woman, the “hedge” you need to employ is pursuing another woman, either directly after or at the same time.

        I actually employ this sort of hedge when I’m night-gaming (which I don’t do a lot of) – if I have a good chat with a woman or get her number, I immediately open another woman to avoid resting on my laurels.

        If she rejects me, I immediately open another woman to avoid resting on my laurels.

  7. Guy reading this really need to take it to heart – most dudes will NOT undertake any kind of even a modest strategy towards meeting and attracting women, which gives any man who does a huge market advantage. I wrote a post about approaching a while back and noted that any man who approaches consistently is already in the 1%.

    Lots of guys just roam around with their buddies and if there are women around may happen to hit on them in rather crude ways. That works in the same way that fishing with a shotgun works – physically attractive or really successful guys don’t need a lot of game, and other guys might get lucky in the real sense of the term.

    Guys also need to get rid of this “it should just happen” mindset. This is a huge stumbling block for guys who won’t accept game into their lives. It’s something overly-romantic men fixate on as part of their false demeanor of “authenticity,” and something women use to feed their rationalization hamsters that a guy isn’t predatory hunting her down, that he just happened to bump into her and OMG they get along so well! Guys hear it and make the mistake of taking dating advice from women and think women actually want guys to not make an effort, to just “let it happen.”

    In fact one of the truths of game is learning how to make an effort without looking like you are doing so.

  8. This is so great, especially the part where they win even if they are creeped out. This makes them center of attention in a little bitch pow wow. So great to have this in my mind.

    I’m back in the game after forgetting to put myself first in a relationship. Good lesson though.

    Anywho, I’m approaching like mad. Got a cutie to take her headphones off the other day (headphones were like kryptonite to me) and other stuff.

    But how to create attraction? Or let attractions be created? How do I know when to ask for a number? If there is no attraction, is it worth it? Or is getting a number always worth it?

    Ponder.

  9. How to create attraction? Let me share with you what really happened to me recently.

    I often have my earbuds in between getting off the bus and walking to work. I enjoy that few minutes before settling down at my desk. I see more or less the same people every day and we smile at each other, make eye contact, but no more as I am listening to my music.

    One day, I kid you not, a gentleman I have not seen before or since, was heading in the opposite direction. From quite a distance I saw he had this wonderful presence about him, this wonderful happy face, eyes bright as they can be. We made eye contact and for no reason whatsoever, I removed my earbuds so I could return his greeting properly.

    He was way out of my age range to consider dating, but I will never forget that aura and the effect it had on me. Without saying a word, without doing anything in particular, he created an environment that I immediately responded to. It’s that simple.

    • “It’s that simple.”

      As well-intended as it is, PaperRose’s comment is a good example of why men shouldn’t take dating advice from women. All this talk about an “aura” and a “presence” is just post-facto description of what the woman is feeling, not any actionable guidance as to how to induce those feelings.

      Women seem to have a very difficult time articulating anything objective in terms of what causes them to be attracted to men. That’s compounded by the fact that many male actions are attractive when done by an attractive man and creepy or lame when done by an unattractive man. A woman’s answer to how to be attractive is usually actually answering the question “what do I wish an attractive man would do for me?”

      Women also regard the actionable “secrets” of attraction as shit tests in themselves, in that if a man has to be “taught” the various steps of attraction and seduction, he must be an inveterate loser. This runs very counter to the way men work, which is to keep trying, learning (including from others) and improving until you’ve got some real competence and confidence about yourself.

      I’ve come to accept without complaint many of the basic characteristics of most females, but one that still frosts me is the very common inability for women to understand this constructive process as a fundamental part of male development – they want men to pop out of cocoons fully formed and ready to be attractive and generous to them. Modern women seem to regard the idea of helping build a man into his functional long-term adulthood as parenting rather than a relationship, and thus reject the idea they should grab a man at anything other than his peak SMV. Guys, understandably, aren’t that interested in being the Little Red Hen and giving their benefits to women who refused to help earn them earlier in life.

      • I just watched “The Vow,” while holding my nose. This is either where females get this crap or where leaches who make the movies reflect it back to them.

        The main character (pathetically acted by tatum chanum or chanum tatum I forget) is the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen. His entire life is dedicated to following this sicky sweet whinny female around so he has a purpose in his life. He has no integrity or a life outside of this cutysy little lady who changes her mind 1000 times in the movie.

        It’s instructive to watch this stuff to see how deep we are in lies.

        Rose’s post was also instructive to see how blind and sad females are. They wait for these characters to enter their life and before they know it, they are the age of the guy that was out of her age range and still single!

        This hurts everyone, not just men

  10. But isn’t this a typical female response to how to create attraction? To just be yourself. To be happy? Sounds like every romantic comedy. What if he had been in your age range and never approached you to start a conversation? Would you have started it? No. You wouldn’t have. One of your feet is in 2012, the other still in 1950. You lucky broad!

  11. If he had been in my age range and never approached me to start a conversation most likely it would be because he didn’t want to. As I see it, his job is to take the lead, my job is to respond. In my experience, when a guy is interested, he lets me know one way or another, no matter how shy. For me the yin/yang dynamic is what works best.

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  13. So, your objective is to make a woman feel good about herself without any reward coming back to you? or is the great ”pleasure” of making a woman’s day more than enough reward?

    Look, buddy. Badger, Roissy and all that don’t really know what they’re talking about. Most of what they write is fantasied scenarios and wishful thinking. Women are only attracted to three hypermasculine features; height at least 6 feet tall, muscles, and money.

    Good luck in getting taller, unless you’re up to major pain and problems. Muscles? Sure thing, again. Most men don’t have the genetics to be muscularly attractive, and money in this economy?

    Game is an illusion being sold by PUA’s. i also don’t understand why you mofos are giving to women what they want; free male attention without having to work for it.

    As for myself, I ignore and avoid all women and its such a fun time when the uber hot ones enter hamster overdrive trying to understand why I’m not putting my balls on their feet like the rest of you all.

  14. Oh, but that requires mastery over one’s self; which most of you will never managed to acquire, as you’re all pretty much grown men with the sexual self-discipline and maturity of a 13 year old boy let loose on a all-girls school(not that he’s going to bang any if he’s beta).

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